NABFEME Presents The Etiquette of Mentoring
Since all Mentors and Mentees come to relationships with different styles and expectations, one of the first things a Mentor and Mentee should discuss with each other are the rules they would like to use in their relationship. The basic rule is to make the other person feel at ease and comfortable with the relationship. This means showing kindness, flexibility, and appreciation, and using social manners. We have outlined several do’s and don’ts that we believe will be helpful in developing a successful mentoring partnership.
Suggestions for Mentors
| Do’s | Don’ts |
| Respect your mentee’s time as much as your own. | Assume that your schedule always has top priority. |
| Be explicit about your limits (time constraints and style of interacting) | Make your mentee have to guess. |
| Always ask if you can make a suggestion or offer criticism. | Automatically give advice or criticism. |
| Recognize and work through conflicts in caring ways. | Avoid discussion of touchy subjects or force your solutions in conflicts. |
| Keep confidences between mentor and mentee. | Share mentee personal information given in confidence to others outside the relationship. |
| Make only positive or neutral comments about your mentee to others. If you disagree with your mentee’s behavior or values, share your perceptions with him or her. If the situation does not change, take steps to end the relationship. | Talk negatively about your mentee behind his or her back. |
Final Suggestions
Being involved in a mentoring relationship is a privilege for both members of the pair, so you should go out of your way to be gracious and thoughtful of each other. When you are unclear about what to do and how to act, ASK. The gesture of asking conveys respect for what the two of you are working to accomplish.
Is Mentoring Really For You?
Before you decide to mentor someone, make sure that you are ready for the commitment. Your mentoring skills will have a profound impact on another person’s life, and the process will change yours. Ask yourself these questions:
- Do I have the resources (time, effort) to be a mentor?
- Am I emotionally and psychologically ready to mentor someone through her growing period?
- Can I meet the needs (high or low) of that mentee?
- What assets can I offer (work experience, education, interests, knowledge)?
- Can I offer assistance to someone without expecting something in return?
- Do I know how to listen without being judgmental?
Think about it and if you can’t make the commitment, maybe you shouldn’t be a mentor. It’s that simple.
NABFEME has set the mentor/mentee partnership time frame at 35 hours total, during a period of three (3) months. You can begin as soon as the NABFEME Mentor Partnership Program Administrator initiates the pairing and makes the assignment. We ask that your sessions be at least 10 to 15 minutes long. As the relationship progresses, session time should increase to about 30 minutes long or higher. If for some reason the pairing becomes problematic, please consult us immediately.
As a NABFEME Mentor, you will arrange one-on-one meetings, telephone or virtual coaching sessions with your Mentee. These sessions are essential for setting goals, correcting problems and enabling the continuous growth and development of your Mentee. We are confident you will find, serving as a NABFEME Mentor a rewarding experience.
Again, we thank you for serving in this extremely valuable position. Please contact us if you need more information or if you would like express your ideas. Our direct line is (212) 424-9568. We are also available at info@NABFEME.org